Chester 101

Its been all of three months, a move to bush, two houses, magazord sized lizards, a storm, strange new people and no internet  since I’ve written anything. The last event should give away why I haven’t written though, that and the craziness that’s been happening. I think a part of the reason I held off on writing anything either, was the fact that it would seem somewhat mean but what the hell!

Chester 101

Ms. Leverage, my favourite history teacher (who taught me absolutely nothing about history but much about life… no nothing about life either) once said that Columbus was one of dem  breda deh weh dida look a faward so him just make up stuff and get people fi add pon the junk him did write and we call it Caribbean  history now.

But in my case, me really feel like Columbus when him buck Jamaica. Only mi buck Manchester. I’m not even exaggerating, I feel like I live in a different country. Only, you don’t get that total  “ME A GO A FAHRIN feeling when you come here. Contrary to that, there ARE some places that look very American and nothing more can be expected with a bunch of returning residence in one place. But things expensive as #$%^ >_>. Whenever I’m heading back to Kingston its like I’m the one going to People will ask you to purchase things for them in Kingston simply because its available there and it’s cheaper. Sound  like fahrin V_V

The clock by Mville shopping center. Not my photo by the way. (Property of  Jamaica Heritage Foundation)

The clock by Mville shopping center. Not my photo by the way. (Property of Jamaica Heritage Foundation)

As a new comer, the natives… YES! The natives!  will proceed to stare and not speak.  In some cases this may be a part of their mating ritual.  You know like in Kingston when you’re even trying to scope someone out, you at least pretend you’re not looking at them. Ooooooh nooo!! here. They STARE unrelentingly and without SHAME. And the neatest trick I’ve learnt since I’ve been  here. Wave at the starers and  they wave back and proceed to stare anyway. O_o

Language is another obstacle here. The Jamaican dialect is a wonderful and  truly cultural language… until you a go a country… I couldn’t tell you how I survived the first week in my classroom. Students thought I was deaf, when really I thought they were speaking some unknown ancient language, in other words them chat bad! Here,  she is considered to be him and  him is considered to be  “eeem deh”.

Children never say “go home time” but  “guuhumingtime”. Here if extra letters are not added to words they’re removed and far worse than kingstonians chop words. Language highlight of my life “ mi beeena weeena “ which sounds nothing like “ I wanted to” or “chucazz” “true because” or “ because of”.

The word teacher is an abused noun which is substituted for Miss and Sir. “TEACHER!!! Ow dis fi do??” And as a teacher, you stand out more than you would in the metropolis. Every where you go you’ll hear “Hi teach”.

There is a  random cow EVERYWHERE  and where you least expect it. Outside your apartment, walking into traffic you’d almost think they were some kinds of alternative transportation.


It’s always cold but apparently, everyone here is freaking cold blooded. The cold could be considered to be like snow and people be wearing sleeveless clothes and shaking their heads at you. Different breed of people I tell you!

Everything Is ten times larger here. Including lizards. Mi nuh mind lizards enuh, them eat ants and bugs and stuff. They stay out of your way. The ones here… are gaza thugs unfortunately V_V. They’re huge and have no sense of fear when they see humans. They will totally disregard your authority in the food chain. Bug spray, I’ve found is useless against these hybrid beings.  Spraying them only makes them go” biatch please!! we from country that town shit don’t work on us!” . They simply bankai into larger, louder croaking magazord sized pokemon… lizards… who have other larger louder megazord pokemon lizard friends with laser beam powers.  My boyfriend and I attempted to assassinate one only to have it come for me in the middle of the night when I was alone. True story.

Now Manchesterians/ Manchesterites, whatever you guys wanna call yourselves. I’m not trying to offended anyone but it’s simply how I’ve observed my new surroundings. To be honest so far it’s been pretty nice. The air is a lot cleaner here, though some people are weird some actually seem kinder. Can’t say I don’t miss Kingston though. I relish the sight of a JUTC bus or sunlight ( I’m convinced  it doesn’t exist here) or even crowded Half way tree. I suppose no matter where you go you’ll always miss home.

Live Good- Koi


4 thoughts on “Chester 101

  1. DWL Im sorry I can’t help laughing hard .. yes the rural areas do speak quite differently. I recall people at my school saying gohomingtime too. Sounds like quite the adventure .. and here I was thinking I’m the one in fareeeign. Enjoy yourself but beg yuh please – don’t pick up that accent 🙂


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